Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
