So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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