honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
