I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
