My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
