He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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