...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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