my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
