If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize