You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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