I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
now i know why i became what i already was.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
