and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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