He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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