DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
