i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
