just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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