oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
