he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
