Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
