Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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