Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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