things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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