Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
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