I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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