I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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