Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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