i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
