The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
