Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
