Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
