I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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