dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
