cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize