I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize