It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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