if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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