Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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