she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
