Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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