yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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