Will you blow on my dice?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize