doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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