We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
