I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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