You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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