great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
