tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kissed a someone with a penis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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