you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
