we have officially lost it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize