The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
