I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
