watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
