Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
