I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
