So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
