Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
