I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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