One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
