hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
