Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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